Article - "NGCSU alumnus speaks on being gay in the military"

"Here’s my story. It’s nothing special," said NGCSU alumnus Jeff Cleghorn in front of a midday audience in the in the Hoag Student Center Auditorium, consisting of both students and faculty and sprinkled with a handful of cadets.

Perhaps the circumstances aren’t all that unique since, at last estimation, over one million gay Americans have served in the U.S. military, but what does set Cleghorn’s story apart is his willingness to return to his alma mater and talk about his experiences as a gay cadet, his experiences as a officer in the U.S. military under the stifling umbrella of "Dont Ask, Dont Tell" and his experiences both in coming to terms with his own sexuality and in 'coming out' to others.

After speaking here last semester, Cleghorn was invited to return to NGCSU by the North Georgia Gay/Straight Alliance (NGGSA) as part of their celebration of National Coming Out Day (Saturday, October 11) since many people had expressed regret at missing his first presentation.

"[Coming out] is not always walking into accepting arms," said Cleghorn. "Sometimes the outcome is less than ideal."

At its most basic definition, 'coming out' can be described as being honest about who we really are. It applies to homosexuals, but it can also apply to straight people who are willing to stand up and voice their affirmation of the belief in the basic human rights of all individuals regardless of sexuality.

According to Cleghorn, "The most critical, complicated step [of the coming out process] is coming out to oneself." There's often a lot of internalized guilt and shame involved, said Cleghorn. It can be pretty tough.

After accepting one's own sexuality, gay people often confide in a close friend or family member they trust, slowly widening the circle of acceptance. Coming out is important because the freedom to be who we are without deception often results in feeling better about ourselves in all aspects of life.

Cleghorn spoke about realizing his homosexuality while growing up in the small town of Griffin, GA. He discussed how difficult it was for him to tell the woman he was spending considerable amounts of time with he was gay. "'I'm gay.'I blurted out, and she reached over and grabbed my hand and put her face right in front of mine...'I know!' she said."

He talked about how hard it was to confide in his family. His sister accused him of bringing "sin" home for Thanksgiving and his brother withdrew his invitation to his wedding. He reported that his family wounds did eventually heal. He is now closer to his sister, he made amends with his his brother before his unexpected death and his father (before dying recently) told him, "If being gay is not a choice, then it cannot be a sin."

He also touched briefly on the discrimination people face because of even the suspicion of homosexuality (for instance the serviceman who was beaten to death with a baseball bat at Ft. Campbell, KY in 1999).

"It's not all right to mistreat someone because you think they're gay or lesbian," said Cleghorn. "It's not okay to advocate violence and say stupid things. Maybe at one time it was considered acceptable behavior, but you know what, America has changed. The Army has absolutely changed."

Since receiving a medical discharge from the Army in 1996, Cleghorn has dedicated himself to helping those who continue to serve under the forced silence of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," as an attorney for the Service Members' Legal Defense Network. He hopes that someday more gay and lesbian veterans will have the the courage to speak up and shatter the negative sterotypes that surround homosexual members in the military and that those currently serving our country won't have to fear loss of their careers because of who they love. - Dustonia Call, The North Georgia College and State University Voice, Oct 16 2003